i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
