Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
