didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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