somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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