I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he thought i was a dude.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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