I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
