whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
