he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
