Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
