So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My life is pants optional.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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