I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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