I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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