do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
