saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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