How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
