i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize