Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
