Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
