i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
