So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay