Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening