Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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(847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called. http://tfl.nu/lgas

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(415): View more from California

No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."

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(415): No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love." http://tfl.nu/xky8

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(512): View more from Texas

its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love

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(512): its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love http://tfl.nu/kjeb

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

where does the pee come out of this thing

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(920): where does the pee come out of this thing http://tfl.nu/pebd

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(512): View more from Texas

I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.

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(512): I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah. http://tfl.nu/atyf

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(208): View more from Idaho

She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

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(208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm

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(989): View more from Michigan

I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

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(989): I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day http://tfl.nu/4uqd

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.

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(570): In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/ifkh

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(573): View more from Missouri

You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.

(816): View more from Missouri

Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.

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(573): You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up. (816): Sorry about that. Except for the cookies. http://tfl.nu/ub9m

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

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(978): the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase. http://tfl.nu/thr7

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(614): View more from Ohio

You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

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(614): You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you. http://tfl.nu/0odh

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(541): View more from Oregon

Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.

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(541): Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/28i2

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....

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(318): Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going.... http://tfl.nu/9yl4

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(404): View more from Georgia

Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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(404): Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/r7qw

Replies (10) Good night (1949) Bad night (413)
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(646): View more from New York

If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better

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(646): If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better http://tfl.nu/zbhj

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