She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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