i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
