How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
