Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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