I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
