My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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