I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
MIDGETS
????
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
