Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
being pregnant is like rehab
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
