Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Alive.
So much puke
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
