i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
