I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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