before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
