My first STD was from a foam party
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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