I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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