Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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