Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize