Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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