Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
