Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize