Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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