I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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