i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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