She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
