Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
