after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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