i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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