And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
