life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
