no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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