You're my little dorito
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
