WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
