??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
