Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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