Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
