she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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