my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
