He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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