Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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