Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
