I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
