just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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