Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
