My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
